Decide
by TheGoldenTrio333
Summary: OneShot. Severus makes a huge mistake and Harry walks away. What will Severus decide? Slash. Established relationship.


**A/N: Hey. So, just a quick one-shot that I wrote tonight. I was reading a story like this and it inspired me to write my own. I don't remember what the story was otherwise I would recommend it. Mine has a happier ending than the one I read. :P So, I hope you like it. Review please.**

**Disclaimer:**** I own nothing except whatever isn't found in JK Rowling's novels.**

**Warnings: Slash. HP/SS. SS/DM. Sexual situations though not really explicit. Angsty**

Decide

Harry Potter sighed as he walked into the rooms he shared with his two year lover, Severus Snape. Once again the rooms were empty and he had no idea where Severus was. This had been going on for a month now and, despite reassurances from Severus, Harry knew something was going on—and not something he would like.

He shrugged out of his robes and hung them up on the hook on the back of the bedroom door. Pulling the fifth and sixth year essays from his briefcase, he grabbed a quill and red ink and sat on the sofa to mark.

He had become the Defence professor a year after the final battle which had taken place at the end of his seventh year. Hogwarts had needed to be repaired and it had taken just over ten and a half months to do. In this time, Harry had taken his NEWTs through the Ministry and gone to university to get his Mastery in Defence and his teacher's degree.

The wizarding world had taken that year to heal from the war as well and get used to life without Voldemort. Many had spent much of the year in a hospital healing from their injuries. Severus Snape had been in a coma for four months after being bitten by Voldemort's snake, Nagini. He had, of course, taken an antidote to her venom but he hadn't been able to make it strong enough to completely counteract the venom. As such, it had attacked his nervous system, his kidneys, his lungs, and had gotten very close to his heart but it had been stopped before it could. Once he had finally woken up, it had taken another three months to rehabilitate him and get him walking once again.

Sadly, Harry had lost many in the final battle, including his two best friends, Ron and Hermione. They had both died protecting someone; Ron was protecting his sister, Ginny, and Hermione was protecting their friend, Neville Longbottom. Bellatrix Lestrange had gone after Ginny and had been about to send a Cutting Curse at the girl's throat but Ron had pushed her out of the way. The curse had hit him directly on the artery in his neck and he bled out in seconds. Neville had been trying to kill Nagini as Harry had asked but hadn't expected the snake to disappear and appear behind him. Hermione had shoved him out of the way just as Nagini struck. The snake had bitten Hermione on the shoulder, nearly tearing her arm off. She, too, had died in seconds from the venom.

Nearly all of Harry's year from school had died, leaving only seven left at the end: Harry, Neville, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, Draco Malfoy, Susan Bones, and Millicent Bulstrode. Harry had been devastated, falling into a deep depression even with the distraction of his studies. It was through the help of Kingsley Shacklebolt, the new Minister for Magic, and Fred and George Weasley that Harry dealt with the losses and got his life back.

He returned to Hogwarts in 2000 as a professor, hired by the new headmistress, Minerva McGonagall. He wasn't the only one to gain a teaching position. Dean Thomas had taken over Muggle Studies, Neville had taken Herbology, Luna Lovegood had taken Ancient Runes, and Draco Malfoy had taken Transfiguration.

Harry looked up from the essay he was reading at the sound of the door opening. He watched as Severus walked in, already pulling his teaching robes off.

"Hey, Severus," Harry greeted as Severus walked over to him.

Severus lifted his chin and gave him a light kiss. "Good evening."

Harry sniffed when he smelled a faint odor. "What is that smell?"

"I was working on a potion."

"It smells like cologne."

"It's what the potion smelled like. Just an experiment."

Harry nodded, though he wasn't convinced, and turned his attention back to his essays. He smiled when Severus sat next to him on the sofa, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "Long day?"

"Two explosions and a melted cauldron just in the morning," Severus said and Harry made a sympathetic noise.

"It's almost the weekend," Harry said quietly and chuckled when Severus groaned in appreciation.

They had gotten together a year and a half after Harry had started teaching. Harry had expected the man to still hate his existence and berate him at every turn but he hadn't. Severus had been pleasant—as pleasant as he could be—and they had become very good friends. Even now, after being together for two year, they still argued on almost a daily basis and threw insults at each other, but they never meant to hurt. They both quite enjoyed their banter.

Harry had realized that he had fallen hard for the man after about a year of them being together. He frequently told Severus he loved him and though the Potions master had never said the same back, Harry knew Severus at least cared a lot about him.

They sat together on the sofa for a couple hours in silence, Harry marking and Severus dozing. Finally Harry finished with his last essay and put them aside. He then turned to Severus whose eyes were closed and smiled. Perhaps he was making something out of nothing. Maybe Severus really had just been doing some potions experiments. Still smiling, Harry leaned up and brushed his lips over Severus' cheek, stroking the other with his fingertips. He felt Severus twitch and grinned, brushing a kiss over the skin again.

"If you insist on keeping me from sleep then I had better receive a proper kiss," Severus muttered, his eyes opening a sliver.

Harry laughed and placed a barely-there kiss on Severus' thin lips. The man growled and Harry did it again.

"Continue being a brat, I dare you," Severus said dangerously and Harry grinned, brushing their lips once more teasingly. "Very well," Severus said and proceeded to move very quickly. He grabbed Harry and threw the younger man over his shoulder and marched into the bedroom, tossing a laughing Harry onto the bed.

Settling on his back, Harry watched as Severus lowered himself onto the bed and crawled over him. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck and smiled again saying, "I love you."

Severus' lips quirked up in what Harry knew to be a smile before leaning down and kissing Harry deeply causing them to quickly lose themselves to each other for the night.

* * *

Harry glared at Draco Malfoy as he watched the blonde make clear advances at Severus. He had been doing it for months now and Harry had expressed his concerns several times, but was always reassured by Severus that he wanted no one but Harry. He growled quietly and stabbed at his piece of chicken angrily as Malfoy put a hand over Severus' and laughed. He felt sadness add onto the anger when he saw that Severus didn't pull away from the touch and was smirking as well.

Sighing, Harry pushed his plate away and quietly excused himself. With his hands in his pockets, Harry walked through the castle and out onto the grounds, heading to the Quidditch pitch. He walked to the closest stands which happened to be the Ravenclaw stands and sat down.

He couldn't help but feel as though he was losing Severus. He shook his head sadly. At one point it would have been Severus who was afraid of losing Harry. He wasn't sure how long he sat in the stands brooding but he eventually decided to go back after noticing it was getting dark. He headed down to the dungeons and muttered the password to get access to the rooms he had lived in with Severus for over a year.

Walking inside, he frowned when he heard noise coming from the bedroom. Stepping quietly, he moved to the door and slowly pushed it open a crack. He peeked around the door into the dark room. It wasn't dark enough, however, to hide what was happening and he threw open the door just as both men reached completion.

Harry watched with tears in his eyes as Malfoy pulled out of Severus and turned to face Harry. Severus was pale and his eyes held pain, though whether it was pain for what had happened or for getting caught, Harry didn't know. Malfoy was smirking and looked far too pleased with himself.

"Looks like the Golden Boy can't have everything he wants," Malfoy said and Harry flinched slightly. Malfoy glanced at Severus and looked back at Harry with another smirk. "Or maybe he just can't find anyone who wants him."

Harry flinched again and looked down. No matter how many years passed, the neglect that the Dursleys had inflicted upon him would always be in the back of his mind. He choked back a sob and waved his wand quickly. A box that held his most precious items flew towards him. He shrunk it, put it in his pocket, and left the rooms in a rush.

He was almost at the gates when he heard the calling of his name. He stopped and, with his heart pounding painfully, he turned around to face Severus.

"Harry, I—"

Harry didn't say anything as Severus broke off. He stared at his (ex?) lover, tears still running down his cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry," Severus said and they both knew it was a lame thing to say.

"I probably should have seen it coming," Harry said, trying to make himself smile through the pain. "I've seen the way you two have been acting lately and the way you've always been late getting home."

"Harry—"

"How long?" Harry asked even though he wasn't quite sure he wanted to know.

Severus looked down and said quietly, "Three weeks."

"I was wondering how long it would be before you responded to him," Harry said, more to himself than to Severus.

"I'm sorry," Severus whispered again.

Harry looked to his right towards Hagrid's hut, more tears spilling down his cheeks. "Do you love him?"

"I-I don't know," Severus said.

"Do you love me?"

"I don't know," Severus whispered, pained.

Harry nodded. "Come find me when you figure it out and when you decide who you want." Placing one hand on Severus' cheek, he leaned up and kissed the other lightly. "Goodbye, Severus."

Another tear fell with a last look at Severus before he turned and walked through the gates, disappearing with a _pop_. He disappeared before he could see Severus fall to his knees with a sob.

Two Years Later

Severus sighed silently as he stared at the ceiling. Draco was grinding against him shamelessly and groaned as he reached release. With a quick wave of his wand, Draco had cleaned them and rolled to his side of the bed. All was silent for a while except for Draco's heavy breathing.

"That was great," Draco said after a while.

Severus just grunted in response.

"Bloody hell, Sev, what is wrong with you?"

"Don't call me that."

"Well, what the hell is wrong? You can hardly even get it up anymore."

"And?"

"And it's seriously pissing me off that I can't even have proper sex with you unless you take a goddamn potion."

Severus just gave a shrug. Draco huffed and climbed out of the bed. He gathered his clothes and left. Severus pushed himself into a sitting position with a sigh.

Two years. It had been two years since Harry had left. He had remained with Draco though they weren't really together. It was more just sex and even that wasn't great. He couldn't help but compare everything to what he had had with Harry. He and Harry always kissed during sex and always smiled at each other. They touched each other. Sometimes they would whisper endearments or even partake in a short and quiet banter. After Harry would always curl up next to him, head either on Severus' shoulder or chest, hands sometimes entwined, legs tangled. Or Severus would spoon Harry, an arm around Harry's waist.

It wasn't like that at all with Draco. They never kissed. If they did, Draco initiated it and made it extremely rough, sometimes biting Severus' lip hard enough to make him bleed. The only touching they did during sex was to quickly prepare and the unavoidable touching that came with having sex. They never spoke and, if they looked at each other, it was always with blank expressions. They never held each other afterwards. They stayed on their sides of the bed.

Putting his face in his hands, he thought once again how much he missed Harry. He missed the green eyes that had always sparkled at him, whether with happiness or amusement or even anger. He missed the way Harry always seemed to light up around him and would always gift him with those breathtaking smiles. He missed Harry's laugh; there were very few who laughed around him. He missed the banter they always participated in. He missed the domesticity that he had felt with Harry. He missed holding Harry at night and waking up to him in the morning.

When Harry had left, he hadn't taken any of his things except for his most important things in that one box. Severus hadn't moved a single thing that had been Harry's and he had hexed Draco when the former Slytherin tried to throw out some of Harry's clothes.

With a shake of his head, Severus lay down again and tried to sleep as he stared at the empty side of the large, cold bed, imagining that Harry was next to him smiling at him.

* * *

"I still don't get why you keep his crap around. It's been two years, Sev, get over it," Draco said, staring disgustedly at a glass figurine of a dragon that sat on the mantle above the fireplace.

"Don't call me that and leave his things alone," Severus growled.

"Just get rid of it all," Draco said and pulled down a picture frame that had been hanging on the wall, tossing it carelessly on the ground. The glass and wood smashed and the picture lay under the broken glass. The picture was a Muggle photo of Harry and Severus. It had been taken a year before Harry had left at Christmas. Harry had placed a bow on top of Severus' head and Severus was glaring at Harry as Harry laughed. However, it was easy to see in Severus' eyes that he wasn't truly angry and was quite amused.

Severus knelt down and touched the broken picture reverently. A surge of anger tore through him. "Get out," he said.

"What?"

"Get. Out."

"It's just a stupid picture and it's not like it means anything. As if you ever cared about Saint Potter and I highly doubt he cared about you. Who the hell wants someone like him?" Draco said arrogantly.

"I do," Severus said through clenched teeth. "_I _cared about him and he cared about me. _I _want him."

"Why the hell would you want him? He's an arrogant little prick who thinks he should have everything because he's Precious Potter, the saviour. You have me now and that should be enough. I'm way better than Potter."

"No, you're not, _Malfoy_," Severus said, glaring at the young blonde. "Harry is ten times the person you could ever even _hope_ to be. He doesn't think he should have everything, he doesn't think he should have _anything_ because of his relatives. He's not arrogant, he's not spoiled, and I care for him more than I ever will you. You mean nothing to me. We're done."

"You can't do this to me. I finally got rid of Potter and got what I wanted. I'm not letting you dump me," Draco said.

"I don't care what you did or what you want. None of this should have ever happened. I was happier with Harry than I ever have been in my life. You're nothing. Now get out and don't come back."

"You think Potter will take you back? If no one wants Potter, what makes you think anyone will want you? You're not much better than him," Draco said, obviously trying to hurt Severus and save face in the situation.

"And yet, I'm the one you've been having regular sex with for two years," Severus sneered.

"Well, I didn't see Potter running back into your arms or you going to him. I got what I wanted; I got you which I wanted because Potter had you. Suppose now that Potter will want nothing to do with you, it's perfectly fine to leave," Draco said flippantly.

"Be my guest," Severus said.

"Have a nice life, Sev. You were a good shag at first but I suppose the excitement wore off once Potter was gone," Draco said.

Severus flicked his wand and Draco flew out the door. "Don't. Call. Me. Sev," he snapped and slammed the door.

Taking a deep breath, Severus walked back over to the shattered picture and waved his wand again, muttering, "_Reparo_." The frame flew back together with the picture inside. He picked it up and hung it on the wall again, caressing it lightly. He quickly walked into the study. He had an old friend to find.

Three Months Later

Harry looked up from where he was rearranging the displays when he heard the bell chime, alerting him that someone had walked in. He wasn't sure who would be there as the store closed in ten minutes. He put the books in his arms down on a nearby shelf and walked to the front of the store to see who was there. He went around one of the shelves and found himself face to face with the visitor.

"Harry," the man breathed and Harry looked up into the dark eyes of Severus Snape.

"Hi," he said.

"A book store?" Severus said. Harry could tell he was nervous.

Harry nodded. "A book store."

Severus glanced around. "It suits you."

Harry nodded again.

"Can we talk?" Severus asked. "I know I'm not even close to deserving a chance to talk to you but I'd like to."

Harry stared at the man for a while. "I'm about to close up. We can talk at my flat."

"Thank you," Severus said. Harry said nothing and returned to where he had been changing the display and shelving books. Eventually he joined Severus outside the store and locked the door. Severus walked with Harry silently as the younger man led him to his flat. They turned down a nearby street and into a building on the right. Harry led them up three flights of stairs and opened the fifth door on the left.

The flat wasn't overly big but it was comfortable. It was clean and a clear mix of the Muggle and wizarding worlds.

It was Harry.

"You can sit down and stop looking like something's going to jump out and tear you to pieces," Harry said and Severus thought he saw a slight smile on the young man's face. "Do you want something to drink?"

"No, I'm fine, thank you," Severus said, sitting on one end of the sofa. He watched as Harry disappeared in the kitchen briefly before returning with two glasses of just water. Harry handed one to Severus and sat in the recliner next to the sofa.

"You always prefer to have a drink when talking," Harry said and Severus nodded.

After a silence, Severus asked, "Why Norway?"

Harry shrugged. "It was the first place that popped into my head and I liked it when I got here."

"And the book store?"

"I wanted something quiet but a part of both worlds. There's a section that specifically for wizards that the Muggles can't see."

Severus nodded.

"Why are you here? Now? After two years?"

"It took me far too long and it should have never been something that I had to realize, but I realized that you were more than enough. It never should have taken me this long to figure it out and I should have known it all along but I was incredibly stupid and I didn't realize it," Severus said.

"Why were you with him? Why would you do that?"

"I have no valid excuse. It's not something I should have ever done. To be completely honest, I'm not quite sure I know why I did it. I thought he was what I needed. Any relations I've had in the past were rough and powerful and not full of feelings. I thought that was what I needed because that's all I ever had. I thought you were giving up on us too. I could see the resignation in your eyes and face every time you saw Dra-Malfoy near me. None of it is a valid excuse for what I did but I had to give you an answer," Severus told him.

Harry looked down at his glass of water.

"I know I hurt you. I've been kicking myself since the day you left for being the one that's caused you so much pain. I haven't been happy with him these past couple years; I haven't been happy without you. No matter what was going on between me and him, I always compared it to what I had with you and it never compared."

"So you're still with him then?" Harry asked quietly, not looking up from his glass.

"No. I left him three months ago when he smashed that picture of us from Christmas," Severus said.

"Why would he do that?"

"He wanted me to get rid of everything of yours."

"You kept it?"

"I did and in its exact place. Anything that's yours hasn't moved from where it was the day you left."

"Why?"

"I couldn't bear to move it. It would have been too much like removing you from my life. I couldn't do it."

Harry glanced up at him.

"Harry, I know I don't deserve to ask you for anything and I'm not going to. I know that saying 'I'm sorry' won't make everything better but I will say it anyways. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I'm so sorry that I did what I did. I know I can't ever make it better but I'll try. I'll spend my whole life trying to get even a semblance of your trust back. I know that Malfoy is probably right and that you want nothing to do with me, but I had to try and at least apologize even if it doesn't mean anything. I'm sorry, Harry. I'm so sorry," Severus said and Harry could hear the sadness and desperation in the man's voice.

Harry put his glass down and sat beside Severus on the sofa who jumped as he hadn't seen Harry move, having had his head in his hands. Harry sighed. "I'm not going to forgive you."

Severus felt his heart clench.

"Not right now. It probably won't take long before I do but even I have to stay mad once in a while," Harry said and was pleased to see Severus' lips twitch. "Before I get to anything else, I have a couple things to address from what you just said."

Severus swallowed painfully and nodded stiffly.

"First, 'I'm sorry' may only be words and may not fix the situation but they do help when they're sincere, and I know they are," Harry said. "Second, I don't what the hell Malfoy's been saying or why you would believe him despite having been screwing him for the past two years, but there's no way he knows how I feel. Malfoy's an idiot and he's the one who wants nothing to do with you because he's a bastard. I do want you around, Severus. Don't believe what he said."

Severus swallowed again and looked away from Harry, his eyes prickling though he would never admit it.

"Severus, before I left, what was the last thing I said to you?" Harry asked.

"Goodbye," Severus said quietly and Harry couldn't help but smile a little.

"All right, the second last thing."

"You told me to find you when I had figured it out and when I decided who I wanted."

Harry nodded and leaned back, watching Severus expectantly. Severus stared into Harry's eyes, the green eyes that he had missed so much. They currently weren't sparkling at him like they used to and he felt his heart break a little more at the absence.

"I don't want him, I don't want the both of you. I only want you, you and no one else," Severus finally said, not letting his eyes stray from Harry's. Harry didn't move or say anything but continued to stare at Severus. "And I was a fool back then for not realizing what I had in you, for not realizing or admitting that I-I—" he paused and took a deep breath. "I—love you."

Harry blinked and still stared into Severus' eyes as though searching him. Severus fidgeted nervously as Harry remained silent. After several minutes with no response, Severus began to assume that Harry was going to turn him away and he looked down, a single tear leaving his eye and rolling down his cheek. He was startled when a gentle hand touched his cheek and pulled his head back up, green and black eyes meeting again. The green eyes were staring at him so softly that Severus felt more tears leave his eyes. Harry gently wiped the tears away and gave him a tiny smile. He blinked and looked at Harry in confusion when the young man kissed his cheek.

"I don't forgive you, not yet, but perhaps in time," Harry said. "I don't think I want to go back to England."

"I'd never ask you to."

"I'm not going to ask you to leave England either."

"You don't have to. I was going to stop teaching after this year anyways."

Harry smiled at him, one hand still on Severus' cheek.

"I'll earn your trust again, even if it takes me forever," Severus whispered.

"Like I said, I don't forgive you but I will in time," Harry said. "That doesn't mean I'll make it easy for you though," he added with a very familiar smirk.

"I'll do whatever you want me to," Severus said, pleased to see some of his old lover again.

"We're going to go slow."

Severus nodded. "You set the pace."

"There are still three months of term left. You need to finish teaching for this year. You can come and visit when you want. I'll send you my schedule so you know when I'm working," Harry said.

"Can I not visit you at work?"

"You can but it won't be very exciting."

"As long as I can see you," Severus said and Harry smiled. "May I—" he trailed off but Harry knew what he was going to ask and he nodded. Severus gave his own sincere smile and gently kissed Harry. Merlin, how he had missed this! The kiss didn't deepen but stayed light. "I love you," he said and watched Harry's eyes sparkle.

"I'm not going to say it back," Harry said. "I still do, I never stopped, but I'm not going to say it until I'm a bit surer."

"I will wait."

"I know you will."

* * *

As promised, Severus let Harry set the pace. They went very slowly but Severus didn't care. He was just happy that Harry was giving him a chance in the first place. He visited Harry in Norway at his flat and at the book store frequently and he had given Minerva his resignation for the following year. He and Harry hadn't become intimate yet, hardly moving from just kissing, but Harry had allowed Severus to start moving his things into Harry's flat. He had planned on getting his own place but when he had mentioned it to Harry, the younger man had said that it was a completely ridiculous idea and that he would live with Harry. He hadn't objected—well, he had but not sincerely.

The three months passed and the school year came to an end. Nearly everything in his quarters had been moved to Harry's flat. Only a few things for potions were remaining and books and some clothes. However, on the last day, he quickly packed them up and left for Norway after giving his goodbyes to the staff. Minerva, naturally, told him to stay in touch. Draco looked at him in disgust but Severus ignored it. He couldn't care less about Draco Malfoy.

He Apparated away and quickly made his way up to Harry's—_their_—flat. He walked in and immediately found his arms full of Harry.

"Welcome home," Harry said and kissed him before laying his head on Severus' shoulder.

Severus held Harry tightly and buried his face in Harry's messy hair, smiling.

_Home_.

Epilogue

"Severus, where are those new Muggle mystery books I ordered?" Harry asked, coming from the back room.

"Box on the desk," Severus said without turning around as he put a shelf of books back in the correct order.

"Thanks," Harry said.

Silence fell in the shop again as each man did his own task. Harry had hired Severus in the book store just a couple days after his official and permanent move to Norway. It had only been about a month since Severus had left England to stay with him.

After another fifteen minutes, the two finished their tasks and left the shop, locking it up. Hand in hand, they walked down the street to the building where their flat was and walked up to it. Entering their home, Harry headed to the kitchen and made a quick dinner. They talked quietly and contently as they ate. For a while after dinner they curled up on the sofa and talked before it got late and they headed to bed.

Severus was already in bed when Harry crawled in and he immediately found himself drawn to the older man's chest. Severus kissed the back of Harry's neck and held him tightly, finding comfort in finally sleeping with the man in his arms again.

"Severus?"

"Mm?" was the sleepy reply.

"I want to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"I forgive you."

Severus rolled him over and kissed him passionately. Harry smiled when he saw the tears in Severus' eyes and wiped them away, kissing him again.

"I love you," Severus whispered.

"I love you," Harry said and pulled Severus back down to spoon behind him.

Severus smiled as he watched Harry drift off. He kissed the young man's cheek before resting his head near Harry's. There was no way he would ever have to decide again. His decision would always be Harry over anything and everything else.

Always Harry.

**Fin**

**A/N: That's it. Nothing else. Just a small, angsty, happy ending one-shot. :P I usually don't write one-shots because I usually can't. Did you know that _Spur of the Moment_ originally started out as a one-shot? Yeah, look how that turned out. :P Whenever I try to write one-shots, they turn into novels because I get all these ideas. Anyways, I hope you liked it. Review please. Thanks so much. :]**


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